You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize