would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
