**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
this is an emotional support booty call
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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