I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
