Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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