you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Found your dick twin last night
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
