i think my mom watched the whole time
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
