Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize