Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
