I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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