A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
