They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
smell my finger.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
