In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
