Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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