The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
All I want is dick and wine.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize