My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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