I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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