Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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