Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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