I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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