awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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