I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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