great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
