when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
