our cab driver is having phone sex.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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