also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
