Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
