i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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