Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
