...so i touched it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
