your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
