I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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