I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
