So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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