you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
