After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
