Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
