I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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