We won't sleep together?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
