All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
