One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
