New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
