I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
