I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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