Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
