Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
