so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
