I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
