I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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