i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
