Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
