Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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