Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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