i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
