i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize