Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
