Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
