Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
