She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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