i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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