Please, let me fuck your mom
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
