your parents love me but you hate me
Will you blow on my dice?
I cockslap morals
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
