i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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