well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize