TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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