wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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