God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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