VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
