that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Damn victory sex feels great
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
