Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
