She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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