woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
