just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
