I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize