I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
