I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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