I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
