did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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