Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
