I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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