Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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