Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
