She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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