the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
