Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
