Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
