The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
