I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
