Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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