I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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